Compassion...it hits you in the feels
Compassion- not this word. I can hear a part of me dreading this, literally saying, “ugh, do I have to?” Yes, I really do. Seeing that this blog is nearly a month late, this has been the topic of much internal struggle and will continue to evolve well after you have read it.
I have found that Self-led compassion is not always the warm and touchy experience that is often associated with this word. My system tends to shy away from too much giving and nurturing, not because I don’t like it but because it was something that could be taken away so easily, and became transactional, exploited and abused by other people whose parts were burdened. Hearing “can you be open-hearted?’ toward this part made parts of me want to throw up (obviously they were young-and I can see had legit reasons).
My sister, Bryna, was my first experience with Self-led compassion. I will never forget the day she looked at me, well before I was doing this work and she saw the 13-year-old part of me that had been trying to be heard, and said “I hear you-I really see you” and I felt it in that moment-compassion. If I had to mark the first time that would be it. I will forever be grateful for it.
I have found since then that compassion doesn’t need to always be a lot of “heart” energy. Self-led compassion sees the part of me in its full experience and asks how I can act or speak on its behalf. It changes things for my system to feel that- there is a shift and openness that occurs. I can feel relief and relaxation and the parts of me that have been working so hard to keep me safe feel acknowledged.
In the last few months, I have noticed acts of Self-compassion and Self-led compassion. I witness many but I am giving a couple of examples that stand out.
Amanda, who is a gifted Reiki practitioner that works with me and is a beautiful human, started on her journey towards this new career a couple months ago. I had the honor of training her, so I have watched her act with Self-compassion as she has granted herself grace and space moving through an incredible transitioning. She has faced things courageously (totally could have mentioned her last month too), but the way she has seen her parts and witnessed their experience has been incredible to watch.
Mint, I met just six weeks ago and the very first conversation I had with her she spoke to me about her friend who had was in an unjust situation and she had begun acting on her behalf to help her. She described her friend with admiration and empathy but preserved her friend’s dignity. She acted on her empathy with clarity and boundaries that allowed her to continue giving for her friend, while holding her own parts. It left a remarkable impression.
My best friend Dan has taught me more about Self-led compassion than any other human on this planet. He witnesses every part of mine and genuinely appreciates them and the compassion he gives in that acceptance has been a gift in a million different ways.
Finally, is Abby. I have watched her see others fully and by meeting them with her experience and warmth she extends an acknowledgment of their process that sets them at ease. I have witnessed this in her own healing and towards her own parts- her Self-compassion that grows and expands with her journey.
I have so many more examples, and throughout these blogs I will bring these experiences in other people’s stories in. If you have stories I would love to hear them, please reach out, and if you want to find your own Self-Led compassion please reach out. I would be honored to speak with you! Please check out an event, workshop or group.
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