Poetry Page

My Connection

 

You don't want to feel my venom 
You don't want to feel my bite 
I kept it all locked up 
Trying to do what's right 
Nobody ever cared 
If I was angry 
Or if I spit rage 
They never saw my demons 
Set out from their cage 
You want to see frightening 
You stupid, fast talking motherfucker 
You want to see what abuse looks like 
Try me once more 
And I will light up your night 
Everyone who walked all over me 
Thinking I am tame 
I see right through you 
You're asinine and lame 
I was thrown under a bus 
Before I could crawl 
I learned how to get by 
Knowing no safety at all 
People want to tell me 
How I am and how I should be 
Fuck them, fuck all of their cliches 
I keep it in check 
Because nobody really sees me 
I get it, I have known it for so many years 
I have fought back the biting words 
And the bitter tears 
You have to get along 
With morons and fools 
But I am seething with rage 
And ridiculous rules 
I heard lies and contradictions 
Almost everyday 
I prayed for some gentle God 
To come and take it away 
Spiritual,yes, I have a connection 
For fucking sure 
But not to some flowery 
Dope smoking hippy 
Who makes it all good and pure 
My God is about fuck you 
And this ain't going to fly 
Here is the truth 
Shine it right at you 
In your motherfucking eye 
I have no need to show vengeance 
But my God doesn't need all that worship 
Or praise 
He loves me by protecting me 
And it doesn't fucking matter what I say 
So fuck with me again 
I dare you go ahead 
My back is covered 
But don't tell me I can't say what I need to 
Or have the relationship with my own divine light 
I worked hard for that one 
And it has to feel right 
If you try to superimpose some bullshit 
Then I will tell you to fuck off 
And all of the violators who have done me wrong 
Just because I don't act in the way you do 
Doesn't mean you're in the clear for the shit you do 
I could have taken revenge but that would have cost me my soul 
I won't give you that much control 
My choice of healing makes me strong 
And you betrayed a trust, a bond, 
an agreement and that is yours to reconcile 
I am not going to be home to your filthy bile 

Title: My Connection

Author: Alisa Schneidman

 

Meaning to Artist:

This was a voice to my anger and the freedom in my spiritual connection. My spiritual connection is what keeps me sane, makes me feel protected and allows me to continue to be vulnerable even when I have been hurt.

What creating work did for the Artist:

It allowed me to voice my anger in a productive way and feel heard by the connection that has been most vital in my Recovery in a time when I was deeply hurting.

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