"Just let it go." Probably the phrase I beat myself up with most throughout the years or would cut people off with before they could respond because the truth was I hate those four words. I never understood how it was an expression of comfort! If I could just let go of anything I certainly wouldn't have walked around worrying about if I said the right thing to the person I was with, being pissed off at the guy who cut me off, worried that the work I did wasn't quite as good as the last time I did it, wondering why someone hadn't responded to the text I sent three minutes ago, obsessing about the way I phrased an e-mail and if something I said to my kids that morning was going to traumatize them for the rest of their lives. How the hell was I supposed to let any of this go? I couldn't even let go of letting go. I just felt bad about not being able to do that either until I figured out the secret behind what it really means to let go.
The story really started with hearing the phrase "let go and let God". That was all fine and good, but a little implausible even when my faith got stronger. I was cool with letting God but this whole letting go thing was too nebulous. I would get pretty angry when after being angry and confessing honestly where I was with a situation the only advice I would get was "let go". It doesn't work like that, attitude shifting is what the advice is really about and it isn't bad advice, but I want to back up a step and talk about the process. It starts with honoring. So if I am really pissed off I need to honor it and understand it, I may not be ready to just shift over to being at peace and that needs to be okay because nothing can truly change unless I am coming from an honest and congruent spot. That means I can't be speaking Zen from my mouth but have fists balled in rage. This is how I often find people on my table telling me how they just need to let it go. This is where the message has been terribly construed. The process has been forced. So we go to those fists and we ask why they are so angry, we ask what they are holding onto and why, there is always a function. The most important part is we honor it. We don't force them to loosen their grip we simply ask if their is anything else they would like to hold and oftentimes we find something. It takes time, it is a process. There may be parts those fists still want to hold but as they find they like gripping other things the other things naturally fall away. This is letting go it is a process of sloughing off, it is a process of active choice, it is actually an enjoyable activity because as always we pick what is serving our highest good, that is why we hadn't let go to begin with, and when someone is on my table I facilitate the process at a pace that works with the goal of healing. The goal is to make letting go something manageable instead of something insurmountable.